January 16, 2020
Way Too “Earley”: Why the “New Sobriety”
is Old News to A Sober Pioneer
is Old News to A Sober Pioneer
by Lynn Earley
Once Upon a Time....
Long before the Listen Bar...the Sans Bar..The Getaway Bar...
Daybreaker....Club Soda....Sober Curious....The Naked Mind..
Sober Grid...Loosid App...Mocktails...
Thirty Two years ago.
Way before Social Media...Facebook..Twitter..Instagram...My Space...You Tube..
Podcasts..Smart Phones ..Face Time....even before...The Internet...
There was Lynn Earley. Me.
Who, when I finally decided to stop drinking, May 22, 1987, wrote a letter to Donald Trump , seeking start up funds for a great idea. NYC's first alcohol free nightclub. Adults only. Open to the general public. Promoting all the arts, healthy lifestyles, all the while providing society with a much needed alcohol free creative alternative to the boozy bar scene.
After being THE Party Girl for 22 years, then getting sober, and being warned of “people, places and things..” I saw the need then, for that type of venue.
(Not in 2018, after reading a blog about the idea, then copying it and claiming it for myself. I'm an original concept person; I don't need to copy anyone.)
(Not in 2018, after reading a blog about the idea, then copying it and claiming it for myself. I'm an original concept person; I don't need to copy anyone.)
As for Mr. Trump, I wrote to him, because at the time he did not drink, had lost a brother to alcoholism, was very wealthy, and had tons of space in NYC. I received a reply, on silky gold stationery , stating that he was not interested, as his interests were gambling and real estate.
(There is something to be said, for unanswered prayers. ) The date? September 1987.
(There is something to be said, for unanswered prayers. ) The date? September 1987.
Moving on to March 1988. I had moved back to my home town, to help my mother get rid of 40 years of accumulated “stuff..” My father had passed away, and she was selling the house. It was during that time my life as I knew it took a major detour. It came in the form of a very handsome, funny, charismatic younger man named Stephen, who just happened to have major alcohol abuse issues. I, Sober Gal , was of course there to save him, and in the process, put my own sobriety and everything else in my life, on hold. I was all in; my focus was on helping him, and nothing else. Until August 1991, when Stephen jumped to his death , from the GWB.
I discovered that a great way to work through grief, was to keep busy. Which I did, committing myself to producing alcohol free social venues for adults, starting in Bergen County. I created a group called Artists Entertaining Sobriety, whose main goal was provide all of society ( not just those in recovery) with a vibrant healthy exciting booze free social alternative to liquor drenched bars and clubs. We staged our first event, a Halloween Party, October 1991, in Teaneck NJ. My efforts to be an agent for change did not go unnoticed. I was featured in two major NJ newspapers, and got an award from the Bergen County Executive as “Volunteer of the Month.” Year: 1991. (Not:2018. )
My goal then, was to acquire start up funds, for a permanent space. I changed the name of the group to the “High & Dry Club”, as Artists Entertaining Sobriety sounded too much like an AA related dynamic. Which we were not. Then, or Now.
In 1992, I became involved in the NJ “prevention field.” I spent several years joining Drug & Alcohol Task Forces, Coalitions, even became a member of the State Alliance Committee for the GCADA/Governor's Council on Alcohol and Addiction. I thought for sure that I would be able to get help with funds , for such a much needed tool, in the fight against alcohol abuse.
That was not going to happen. For starters, I discovered that the majority of the officials I was networking with...drank. That really surprised me; I just assumed I would be dealing with sober folks who would support my idea. The climate at the time , and since then , up until 2017, was not one that embraced the whole idea, of socializing sans booze. The only crowd that did that, since it's beginning, was the AA /recovery tribe; not the general public, whose events are not publicized, and are for a closed fellowship only.
I was breaking new ground. Unfortunately there was no Facebook/Instagram/digital photography and countless social media sites around, to shout it out to the world, or archive it.
That was not going to happen. For starters, I discovered that the majority of the officials I was networking with...drank. That really surprised me; I just assumed I would be dealing with sober folks who would support my idea. The climate at the time , and since then , up until 2017, was not one that embraced the whole idea, of socializing sans booze. The only crowd that did that, since it's beginning, was the AA /recovery tribe; not the general public, whose events are not publicized, and are for a closed fellowship only.
I was breaking new ground. Unfortunately there was no Facebook/Instagram/digital photography and countless social media sites around, to shout it out to the world, or archive it.
In 1992, I hosted the very first alcohol free “pop up”, in a bar, in the West Village. It was a first of its kind event, and was given a very nice write up in the Village Voice, on their exclusive events page. Pepsi donated ten cases of product, which included iced tea, bottled water, orange juice, ginger ale, an energy drink, in addition to their regular and diet colas. The booze free pop up also featured a DJ, and three rhythm and blues bands.
That same year, we produced our second High & Dry Club soiree . It was held in a cool loft type space over a large health food store, on Washington Avenue, in Hoboken. The talented artists in the group hung artwork, draped fabrics, lit candles, burned incense, added cushions, all to create an inviting, uplifting environment.
Refreshments included a my version of a “juice bar,” which consisted of doing “shots” of Gary Null's green juice, and a tasty energy drink, whipped up in a blender...the first “mocktails.”
Also featured was a delicious assortment of healthy goodies , such as hummus, veggie and fruit platters, salad, organic chips, etc, all generously donated by the store owner, a bright eyed and funny Indian man who loved the whole alcohol free party idea. He loved it even more, when a NY Times reporter showed up, who interviewed him, myself, some of the guests, and the members of Conversion, the jazz trio that was providing a very chill background sound. Sadly, as we were to learn a few days later, the story got “bumped,” and was not in the paper. At least the takeaway was that such a high quality newspaper thought enough of what I was doing, to send one of their reporters to cover it. (Twenty seven years ago...)
Refreshments included a my version of a “juice bar,” which consisted of doing “shots” of Gary Null's green juice, and a tasty energy drink, whipped up in a blender...the first “mocktails.”
Also featured was a delicious assortment of healthy goodies , such as hummus, veggie and fruit platters, salad, organic chips, etc, all generously donated by the store owner, a bright eyed and funny Indian man who loved the whole alcohol free party idea. He loved it even more, when a NY Times reporter showed up, who interviewed him, myself, some of the guests, and the members of Conversion, the jazz trio that was providing a very chill background sound. Sadly, as we were to learn a few days later, the story got “bumped,” and was not in the paper. At least the takeaway was that such a high quality newspaper thought enough of what I was doing, to send one of their reporters to cover it. (Twenty seven years ago...)
In 1993, I found a perfect venue, also in Hoboken, for yet another alcohol free art/music party. It was called the Renegade Theater, and was an industrial type space located in a very edgy underdeveloped part of town. ( Now maxed out with condos...) There was a big stage, an open area (great for dancing) where folding chairs and tables were arranged in a welcoming setting. Theater lights, curtains, a fab sound system, even a kitchen area,, all made this a todiefor event space. Our party featured a DJ, a comedian MC, a drag queen, and even a live holistic massage demonstration, which was quite a hit with the crowd. I had made friends with “John”, a very vibrant, spiritual individual who had been involved with massage therapy for some time, Together we created a very wild, sensual, unique performance piece, on that big stage. The lights were dimmed, candles were flickering. Calming ambient music set the mood, along with very long pieces of flowing silk fabric , set in motion by a big fan. Pale pastel shades floated over John and his partner for the evening, a beautiful model , who was stretched out on his massage table, enjoying his soothing, relaxing body work, head to toe. He drew the guests in to the whole experience by explaining what he was doing, in a soft voice. Bliss.
No alcohol/drugs needed.
An extra added plus, was a very personable husband /wife duo, who set up a full working “Smoothie Bar.”, at our event. They had just opened a small venue on Washington Street in Hoboken, one of the first of its kind. It was quite popular; the yuppies loved it, and so did our guests!
No alcohol/drugs needed.
An extra added plus, was a very personable husband /wife duo, who set up a full working “Smoothie Bar.”, at our event. They had just opened a small venue on Washington Street in Hoboken, one of the first of its kind. It was quite popular; the yuppies loved it, and so did our guests!
After that, I continued on , with the group, hosting alcohol free pop up parties and events, in the NYC/northern NJ metro area. We did Open Mics, in bakery/cafes. Booze free “Happy Hours” ( our signature event) in tea salons, even one in a Hoboken bookstore, on St, Patrick's Day. Dance parties in dance studios. Staged fundraisers for several Drug Alliances in Bergen County. Created a newsletter called “Zero Proof” /90's Non Alcohol Alternatives, which was another “first.” It was a 14 page (double sided) print publication, that was an interesting mix of poetry, news, healthy living columns, profiles of some of our talented members, and also an event calendar, of non alcohol venues in the area. I showed it to Patricia Riehl, the then Director of Spring House, a women's drug rehab in Paramus, NJ. I suggested it might be a great resource tool for recreation directors of rehabs, who were sending newly sober folks out into the world.
She looked at me, after reading it, (with a very strange look I might add) and said that I was” ahead of my time, and belonged in California. The year? 1995.
She looked at me, after reading it, (with a very strange look I might add) and said that I was” ahead of my time, and belonged in California. The year? 1995.
September 1996, I finally got interviewed for a NY Times piece, on what I was doing, and wanted to do. It was a great article, entitled” Dreaming of a Night Club Where All the Drinks Were Soft.” It was in a Sunday paper; I thought wow..this was it. While I did get a very positive response, and welcomed new members, that sober “angel” with deep pockets did not materialize. At the time, there weren't many options when it came to raising seed monies ; no Shark Tanks, or Crowdfunding/GoFundMe concepts back in those days.
From 1998 on, until 2008, life took me on a roller coaster ride. I was just grateful I was sober, to help me cope with the sudden drops. A high point, was when I got a good paying job as an editor for a financial news website, from 1999-2001. However, it required much concentration ( I didn't know a hedge fund from a rose bush..still don't. I just winged it. ) As a result, I had to put the alcohol free social venues and pop up events, on hold. One wonderful perk.; with the extra money I was making, was that I started taking ballroom dance lessons, with a master at his craft, in Hoboken.
Mr. Everitt had an impressive resume, going back to the 1960's, when he became Liza Minnelli's dance partner for a while, and also appeared in Broadway musicals such as West Side Story and other productions. He became a most admired “muse.” and opened up a whole new creative world to me, via social dancing. To this day. The whole world of dance was, and always will be, a major part of this new booze free social scene I was creating.
From 1998 on, until 2008, life took me on a roller coaster ride. I was just grateful I was sober, to help me cope with the sudden drops. A high point, was when I got a good paying job as an editor for a financial news website, from 1999-2001. However, it required much concentration ( I didn't know a hedge fund from a rose bush..still don't. I just winged it. ) As a result, I had to put the alcohol free social venues and pop up events, on hold. One wonderful perk.; with the extra money I was making, was that I started taking ballroom dance lessons, with a master at his craft, in Hoboken.
Mr. Everitt had an impressive resume, going back to the 1960's, when he became Liza Minnelli's dance partner for a while, and also appeared in Broadway musicals such as West Side Story and other productions. He became a most admired “muse.” and opened up a whole new creative world to me, via social dancing. To this day. The whole world of dance was, and always will be, a major part of this new booze free social scene I was creating.
Then, 9/11 happened, and nothing was ever to be the same. Especially for me. My work was centered around the daily routine, of networking with the stock market companies, most of them located in the World Trade Center. Myself, and my co workers were in total shock. All of a sudden, we saw names of analysts we worked with every day, now on a TV screen, lost forever, in the rubble. The business did not do well, after that. As a result, my company downsized, and I was let go.
I tried to find a job, for the next three years, but just could not get hired. I had, and still have, a speech impediment called spasmodic dysphonia. (Think RFK Jr,) My voice is raspy; my vocal chords tighten up when I speak, so I end up sounding like sounding like someone is choking Tom Waits. The condition gets worse, when I 'm under stress. Which I was. In 2004, when I was 56 years old, I lost my apartment, was evicted, and became homeless. I'll never forget that feeling, of not having “keys” , to anywhere, any place. For the next two years, until May 2006, I slept on people's couches, and floors. It was beyond horrible. Yes..thank God, I was sober.
During that time period, I stayed in four different places, each one worse than the last. That last one? Was the Park Hotel in Weehawken. I was only there for a week, but the nightmare of that place stays with me. Because 2 weeks after I left, the big scary black guy that I passed in the hallway from time to time raped, sodomized and murdered a young Jersey girl, then got rid of her body. Right down the hall from my room.
(Those experiences deserve their own blog, which I fully intend to write. )
Finally, in 2006 , I got a break. I applied for disability, got rental assistance and moved into a cute little cottage, with a patio. Finally, my own home.
I was just starting to get my life back on track, when my mother died suddenly, in 2008. A curse, and a blessing, as she did leave me some money, which enabled me to go back to producing alcohol free events. That same year, I once again re invented the creative group, calling it the “Smart Party,” and put together a new tribe on meetupdotcom, which is still in existence. Today it is known as the Zero Proof Party Zone, boasting 1,884 members, all who wish to socialize sans booze. There is a sister meet up “ Conscious Living/Alcohol Free Socials, which has 806 members. Sad, the fact that I still have no place to put them , and the rest of the adults over 21, who would love to meet and greet in an inviting alcohol free environment.
During that time period, I stayed in four different places, each one worse than the last. That last one? Was the Park Hotel in Weehawken. I was only there for a week, but the nightmare of that place stays with me. Because 2 weeks after I left, the big scary black guy that I passed in the hallway from time to time raped, sodomized and murdered a young Jersey girl, then got rid of her body. Right down the hall from my room.
(Those experiences deserve their own blog, which I fully intend to write. )
Finally, in 2006 , I got a break. I applied for disability, got rental assistance and moved into a cute little cottage, with a patio. Finally, my own home.
I was just starting to get my life back on track, when my mother died suddenly, in 2008. A curse, and a blessing, as she did leave me some money, which enabled me to go back to producing alcohol free events. That same year, I once again re invented the creative group, calling it the “Smart Party,” and put together a new tribe on meetupdotcom, which is still in existence. Today it is known as the Zero Proof Party Zone, boasting 1,884 members, all who wish to socialize sans booze. There is a sister meet up “ Conscious Living/Alcohol Free Socials, which has 806 members. Sad, the fact that I still have no place to put them , and the rest of the adults over 21, who would love to meet and greet in an inviting alcohol free environment.
April 2009, we threw a fabulous high vibe artistic Smart Party at the Monroe Art Center, in Hoboken. There was a great DJ, who was hand picked because if his unique knowledge of vintage swing, Latin, rock and roll, R& B. I hired the very talented Joe Taino Band, threw in a monster sax player named Baron Raymonde, then hired my former dance teacher, who treated the guests to a free salsa lesson. A long time friend hung his vibrant visionary art works. There was a “bar” area, where we set up a delicious array of healthy fruits, veggies, vegan snacks, cookies, pastries. Thee were no “hand crafted alcohol free cocktails” being made anywhere at the time, but we made our own versions, with Martinelli's, natural fruit juices, flavored seltzers,etc. Our alcohol free pop up didn't make it to Twitter, or Facebook, Instagram , or Refinery 29, or Imbibe , ( didn't exist) We did get nice write ups in local media, however.
Little did I know, at the time, that that event was to be the last big venue I was to produce. Yes, we continued on with smaller social parties, but nothing on that scale . Final bill for that event was around $2,000. Monies went to space rental, DJ, band, performers, food, beverages, ice, paper goods, etc.
I at least got to see, even just for a few hours, what my vision for a “conscious club,” would be like, for real.
After that we hosted smaller gatherings, in Manhattan and northern NJ, including a very successful Open Mic, in a cafe in Bergen County. One reason for its success, was that it happened in the same place, twice a month. That consistency was something our group was never able to maintain, over the years.
In May 2015, I was hit with a yet another one of life's knockout punches. Not by some thug walking down the street , but from Penny Mac. The property had been lost, due to foreclosure. I was told after living there for nine years, paying rent, on time, that I was living in an “illegal space,” and would have to get out. I was 67, living on a fixed income, paycheck to paycheck. No one helped. I reached out to homeless prevention agencies. County welfare was a dead end. A lawyer was provided, by way of an
organization that helps seniors. She was a nice gal but clueless; got involved for three months, then my “free time “ was up, so she was gone baby gone.
I went to court May 2016, and got evicted. No relocation monies given, at all. Was forced to put all my belongings in two storage bins. I ended up in senior housing (after the town found out about my dilemma) , where I still live today. PS January 2017, I lost all my possessions in the two storage bins, as I could not afford three rents ( I already had one storage bin, for many years. Lost that one December 2016) The losses of all my personal items has been staggering, and triggered a major bout of depression, something I never experienced before. With the help of much prayer, meditation, soul searching and counseling, I 'm in a much better, stronger place now.
A place where I have no intention of sitting back, and watch, while some millennial wannabe is strutting around the Internet, making false claims, that she is the originator of the new sobriety scene. Seriously honey? Anyone reading this, will see otherwise.
And I haven't been the only alcohol free pioneer. Over the years, there have been many booze free clubs and pop ups. Fact is . The under 30 somethings of today have no idea they existed. (Neither do many of the reporters, of the same age. ) When I hosted my first parties, they were like in..kindergarten. First grade. There is...that....
I at least got to see, even just for a few hours, what my vision for a “conscious club,” would be like, for real.
After that we hosted smaller gatherings, in Manhattan and northern NJ, including a very successful Open Mic, in a cafe in Bergen County. One reason for its success, was that it happened in the same place, twice a month. That consistency was something our group was never able to maintain, over the years.
In May 2015, I was hit with a yet another one of life's knockout punches. Not by some thug walking down the street , but from Penny Mac. The property had been lost, due to foreclosure. I was told after living there for nine years, paying rent, on time, that I was living in an “illegal space,” and would have to get out. I was 67, living on a fixed income, paycheck to paycheck. No one helped. I reached out to homeless prevention agencies. County welfare was a dead end. A lawyer was provided, by way of an
organization that helps seniors. She was a nice gal but clueless; got involved for three months, then my “free time “ was up, so she was gone baby gone.
I went to court May 2016, and got evicted. No relocation monies given, at all. Was forced to put all my belongings in two storage bins. I ended up in senior housing (after the town found out about my dilemma) , where I still live today. PS January 2017, I lost all my possessions in the two storage bins, as I could not afford three rents ( I already had one storage bin, for many years. Lost that one December 2016) The losses of all my personal items has been staggering, and triggered a major bout of depression, something I never experienced before. With the help of much prayer, meditation, soul searching and counseling, I 'm in a much better, stronger place now.
A place where I have no intention of sitting back, and watch, while some millennial wannabe is strutting around the Internet, making false claims, that she is the originator of the new sobriety scene. Seriously honey? Anyone reading this, will see otherwise.
And I haven't been the only alcohol free pioneer. Over the years, there have been many booze free clubs and pop ups. Fact is . The under 30 somethings of today have no idea they existed. (Neither do many of the reporters, of the same age. ) When I hosted my first parties, they were like in..kindergarten. First grade. There is...that....
A quick review, of a few. For starters, there was the Upstage Club, in Asbury Park, which was open from 1968-1971 . The club was alcohol free, and all the top musicians of the time would jam there until 5 am. The owners, Tom and Margaret Potter, insisted the bands play original music, not cover songs. The venue attracted the best musicians in the area, such as Bruce Springsteen, Steve Van Zandt, and Southside Johnny. Posters for the club would read: “ What to do If You Don't Dig Booze.” and Leave Your Drugs at the Door.” Sounded like a very cool place.
Then there was the H.O. W. Club, in the Village , Honest/Open and Willing being a favorite AA saying. It was a dance club that catered to the recovery crowd, and served coffee, water, and soda. I recall walking in once, and was immediately turned off by the red lighting, and odd disco/club music. Not my scene, but it worked for many sober folks looking for something to do, after meetings.
One other booze free event that should be included here is First Nite, mainly because it it still happening. The first First Night was in Boston on December 31, 1975. It was conceived by Clara Wainwright. who organized a small group of artists seeking an alternative way of celebrating New Year's Eve, where Boston’s young, innovative artists and musicians could perform on both indoor and outdoor stages. They also wanted to avoid the emphasis on alcohol that is common at New Year's Eve parties. Soon other surrounding communities started their own First Night celebrations.
First Night celebrates a community's local culture, often featuring music, art, dancing, and comedy.
First Night celebrates a community's local culture, often featuring music, art, dancing, and comedy.
Fast forward to the “conscious club scene, “ in 2019. Almost all of the “sober bars” I read about, are just that. “Sober” meaning they cater to the AA/recovery crowd. That's great..for them.
However, not everyone who stops drinking, is in “recovery.” And what about all those “sober curious” folks? The big drinkers/party monsters/rosay all day gals, who know they are developing a problem with alcohol, and who wish to change their lifestyle, yet going to “meetings” isn't really..them...
However, not everyone who stops drinking, is in “recovery.” And what about all those “sober curious” folks? The big drinkers/party monsters/rosay all day gals, who know they are developing a problem with alcohol, and who wish to change their lifestyle, yet going to “meetings” isn't really..them...
There still isn't a permanent party space for them...for the general public ..the “civilians.” Oh, except for that once a month pop up, for four hours, in a wine bar (of all places). Which from what I can see, is a great place for meeting and greeting, providing you're a total tattooed “badass” under 35.
Which leads me to my Zero Proof Clubs Project. I may not be the Ghost of Booze Free Clubs Present, but I was the Past, and now, will be the Future. No one knows more about alcohol free socializing than I do; I've been in R & D, for over thirty years! ]
Here is the link to our GoFundMe page: https://www.gofundme.com/f/dztxaj-zero-proof-clubs-project .
I can't minimize, all that I want to do. Let's just say I think like Steve Rubell, and Peter Gatien, minus the drugs and booze. Leave some “sex”; I'm an ex stripper. Burlesque is still in my blood. Needless to say, I'm hardly boring, and neither will my club be.
And I certainly won't be calling it a ..”bar..” more like a transcendent zero proof..Xanadu.
Now all I need now..is to raise start up funds, for NYC's first alcohol free night club. A truly first of its kind venue, filled with ground breaking artistic visionary effects, and exciting events. First one...than many more...the world needs my "LoveLights" .(C) ..to shine now, more than ever.
Maybe the funds could come from one of those passionate billionaires , running for President, that want to make positive changes.
So do I.
I just need to be empowered.
